Dreams and Grief
Where do dreams go to die?
I don’t think dreams actually go anywhere to die. I think they live somewhere wild and beautiful. They morph and carry all the pieces of who we are into the present, reshaping the dreams as we grow and learn. But how do we get to this place?
Over the past two years I’ve found myself frequently confronted with dreams from the past. These were dreams that I very much wanted when I was younger. For example, when I was four I really wanted to be a ballerina and when I was 15 I wanted to own a horse ranch in the mountains of Wyoming or Montana.
Fast forward to today, many years, many adventures, and many dreams down the road, I don’t want the same things I wanted when I was young. I would make a terrible ballerina! I’m 5’2” and a little rotund (although I do look cute in a tutu!). I don’t particularly want to be a rancher either. Again, I’m only 5’2” and it’s possible that the high mountain valley snow in Montana or Wyoming would freeze my freckles right off!
I have different dreams now and they’re often so far removed from those of my younger self that I’m not sure young me would understand… Today, I dream about being financially independent and figuring out ways to equip and enable other people to live fully present with themselves. As I navigate achieving my current dreams, I’ve been experiencing a fierce sense of longing and sorrow attached to the old dreams; fears that I will never be fulfilled because I’m not a ballerina or a rancher. Sometimes the old dreams stop me fully in my tracks—keeping me from making decisions in the here and now.
This raises the question: How do we navigate old dreams resurfacing when we’re adults?!
Enter Grief (yes, I think she deserves a capital G).
Grief is an emotion we’re all familiar with. But, did you know that Grief can help you mourn past hopes and dreams in such a way you can move forward into the present and embrace the dreams you’re pursuing right now?
Grief steps in softly to help us pause and identify whether a dream is still serving us or holding us back. She helps us feel the sorrow of letting go of something we wanted when we were younger and enables us to release the pain and frustration, no longer carrying them forward.
Grief helped me appreciate my very brief stint as a ballerina (I think I had 5 classes) and love the little girl that wanted to be graceful and beautiful. In doing so, Grief allowed more humor and joy in the present along with permission to take dance classes, suck at them, and not care because I’m having fun! Grief helped five year old me gently release her dream and accept adult me.
Grief helped that 15yr old who wanted to save the world with a horse ranch to understand that freckled, 40-something me doesn’t want to be a rancher anymore. Grief showed 15yr old me and adult me that part of the dream can live on; I can help save the world in other ways. I can be content, a little wild, and still have grand adventures.
Grief helps to bridge the gap between what we hoped for and where we are today. She helps us process, mourn, and release dreams that don’t serve us anymore—equipping and enabling us to live with more joy in our current lives. Grief carefully and safely manages our past dreams and, when necessary, releases them into the beautiful wild so we can adventure in the present.
Journey Prompt
Take a moment to pause.
Identify a dream that may not be serving you in this present season.
What was important about this dream for your younger self?
What did younger you want to feel and accomplish with that dream?
If it feels ok, take a moment to thank that younger version of you for having a wonderful dream and carrying it for you.
What dreams do you have today that you love? Share those dreams with your younger self.
How does younger you want to release the old dream? How would younger you like to embrace the new dream?
