Starting the New Year with Rocks and What Ifs

As we enter the new year, I find myself thinking about what I want out of the year, what I hope things will look like, and (I’m sure you aren’t surprised to know) I’m asking myself a load of questions.

  • What if the new year felt refreshing? 

  • What if it didn’t feel like an obligation to come up with some new goal?

  • What if it felt like opportunity (without pressure)?

  • What if it felt like an invitation to acknowledge and embrace the season?

A few years ago, these questions led me to two practices which I find hugely helpful. They go hand in hand and have helped free me from a certain amount of stress and pressure to perform. Want to know what they are? Keep reading!

Rocks, Pebbles, and Sand

I first encountered the Rock, Pebbles, Sand analogy when my business coach encouraged me to identify the things I was most committed to in that season. The exercise forced me to identify three things that truly took the highest priority (Rocks), then the four next highest priority (Pebbles), then six things that mattered to me but were of lower importance (Sand). 

Only 13 things in total could make it onto that list. You can imagine how many things were NOT on that list...

The process helped me recognize that I was treating many things with the same priority level, even though there was no way I could do them all in the time I had. It helped relieve some of the internal pressure and clarify where I wanted to focus my attention. However, having completed the exercise to clearly identify my priorities, I still wanted to outline how I would accomplish them throughout the year.

What Ifs

I began to work through timelines in my head but was struggling with mapping out the work over the few months of time I wanted to complete it in. I found that mapping out just one possible timeline left me feeling stressed, as though I were locked into a timeline that I wasn’t even sure could or would work. 

This led me to start what I have come to call a “What If” calendar, relieving some of the pressure and making it more interesting. 

I started by listing out my rocks, pebbles, and sand, and any loose time estimates I had for them. It looked something like this (though not this organized): 

Rocks:

  1. 1. Internal Family Systems Training course

  • Four months. 

  • Decision factors: I could start it in April with my friends, or do it on my own starting a different month.

  1. 2. Book editing and writing. 

  • Five months? 

  • Decision factors: I need people to help with editing and review. How much time would that take?

  1. 3. Starting a business. 

  • Umm, 7 months? 

  • Decision factors: I don’t know what I don’t know so things might come up that I didn’t see coming.



Pebbles: 

  1. 1. Connecting with people who are important to me.

  • Once a month?
    Decision factors: When would I do this? How much time would it take? How much time should I allow?

  1. 2. Time with my kids (Yes, in that season, my kids weren’t one of my three rocks. However, they still got loads of my time and attention.)

  • Weekly time to connect

  • Decision factors: Were my kids’ needs met? What did they need and want from me? What special things could we do to help them know how special and loved they are?

  1. 3. A vacation.

  • One week? Two weeks?

  • Decision factors: Time for me? Vacation with the kids? When would we go? Where would we go? A few smaller trips or one larger one?

  1. 4. Meet with my mastermind group

  • Meet weekly

  • Decision factors: Are we doing a book study that takes my time outside of our weekly call? Do we want to do a retreat?

I then listed out the twelve months of the year, leaving two or three lines to write the rocks and pebbles next to each month. I started by writing the rocks next to months I thought could work, then added pebbles, and even more tentatively, the sand. 

Once I’d written out where things could go, I looked at the list and asked myself how realistic it was. There were a number of items I thought would take more time than initially allotted.

So, I wrote down the months again, and moved the same priorities around in new ways. I did this as many times as I needed to feel good about the timeline for each of my Rocks and Pebbles (I didn’t feel the sand needed the same level of attention). As I moved the priorities around a calendar, I got a better feel for the reality of what it would take to complete each goal or priority and experience the joy of accomplishment and completion.

Results

My Internal Family Systems Course was completed in the amount of time I expected. The book took longer to finish than I had mapped out; and the business didn’t quite happen as I thought it would. But, guess what? My book was published on February 29, 2024 and my business is up and running! The learning journey continues for those Rocks (marketing!), but those two particular Rocks have come off the list, allowing me to shift my focus to other important aspects of my life.

Now the Rocks have joined my list of accomplishments. It feels a bit like my family’s love of collecting a favorite rock when we’re out in nature. I get to enjoy their beauty without lugging them around anymore! 

Journey Prompt

As you start the new year, what if you allow yourself some time to identify the things you want in this season—your rocks, pebbles, and sand—and write yourself a few “What If” calendars?

Next steps:

  1. 1. Take a dump (and yes, I’m cracking up at writing that)! 

    • Write down all the things you want to do, hope to do, feel you should do etc. 

    • Dump your thoughts and, along with them, the pressure to accomplish all of those things.

  2. 2. Now go back and circle the ones that feel most important. 

    • Cross out the ones you already know don’t fit this year.

    • Note: If you are struggling with narrowing the list down, rewrite the list without the ones you crossed out. From the remainder, write only the ones that feel like they fit the season. 

    • Remember: You aren’t locked into this forever.

  3. 3. Now look at that narrowed down list and put a star next to the three most important ones.

    • Those are your rocks.

  4. 4. Using the same process above, select four pebbles and six sand.

Once the Rocks, Pebbles, and Sand are identified, move on to the What If calendar.

  1. Write down the months of the year three times, with space to make note of which Rocks you’d want next to each. 

    • Add the Rocks, Pebbles, and Sand to the months.

    • Add questions you have about completion and even ideas on how what might help you accomplish them!

    • Then do it again! Move them around. Play with it. Have fun. 

    • Let yourself be optimistic with your estimates in one and conservative in another. 

    • If it feels like three isn’t enough, do another. 

    • You can do as many What If calendars as you want. The idea is to feel freedom while moving towards the things you value most in life.

~ Rachael

Stay in touch.

Questions?